One month down, 11 years 11 months to go!

So we're done with our first month of "real" homeschooling and things are going swimmingly. We keep a pretty loose schedule where we try to hit 10 minutes each day of various subjects, and then spend a couple of hours reading (which we rarely do... we're pretty good at 1 hour, though). We also have "special" activities every day where we focus on one subject, so Monday is "Religion Day", Tuesday is "Arts and Crafts Day", Wednesday is "Science Day" and so on. I try to plan these to be hands on, experiential learning activities, and they seem to be a fan favorite so far. They usually run half an hour to an hour. Then there's all sorts of "informal" learning. I've learned that when you're looking for opportunities to teach your children, they seem to crop up everywhere. In my opinion, the kids are learning more from this type of learning than anything else, because they don't know they're being taught so their defenses are down (sneaky, sneaky).

Arrgh, me matey! Where'd me marshmallows go?

On Tuesdays and Thursdays we send Evelyn over to Kaiser Elementary to do Art, Music, and PE. This is really working out because it gives her time to socialize and have fun with new friends, and Katie a break from having all four kiddos around. Our only hiccup with homeschooling came the first day we took Evelyn to school. She had such a good time, she asked Katie "Can you ask Daddy if I can go to school every day?" That about broke my heart. I want my little girl to be happy, and I know she's hyper social, so sending her to school every day would be good for her in that way. We talked about it, and we're still trying to figure it out. We're thinking maybe half a day twice or three times a week. The great thing is that our school is very supportive and has told us that we can basically utilize the school in whatever way we feel is appropriate. So we'll figure it out.

Is it a bird? Is it a plane? I don't know, but it's in 3-D!

I should have taken pictures of some of the projects we've done, but I didn't. I'll repent and do better. All in all this has been a great month. The kids have learned lots and have lots more to learn, and the same can be said about me. It's a grand adventure...

Just a little something to make the other fellas jealous. She's mine, boys... HA HA HA HA!

Sorry for the random pics, but I needed a way to keep you interested. I promise I'll try to not do many of these "wordy" posts. I know you just want to see the kids doing crazy, funny, cute, and stupid things when you come here, so I'll do my best to oblige.

I'd swallow it if I could...

So there you have it. Life is good, despite the struggles. Onward and forward!

"The sheets were softer in heaven, but this'll do..."

Get Me Off This Ride...

You see it all the time on YouTube and all your other favorite "How much time can I waste?" websites and tv shows...

... and yet when it's your kid, it's SO much more entertaining.

Man, it's moments like this that you live for. I can't wait until he's 40 years old and we pull out this video. Talk about fun family memories. Thanks for making us laugh, little buddy!

Games for Kindergartners

One of the fun things about homeschooling is that I get to sit down each night and decide what to teach the kids the next day. Part of that is scouting out fun computer games for them to do while I'm away at work. I'm not going to lie, I think I enjoy the games more than the kids do. I know what you're thinking... "That Justin, he just likes the games because they're so easy, and it makes him feel smart and important to beat them." Okay, so you've got me; I do like that. But sometimes you come across a game and think, "Are these people for real?" Here is one such game (click the caption to go play for yourself):

Balls and Boxes

Are you serious? For KINDERGARTNERS? I can't even get past the 3rd level!! Show me a kindergartner who can keep up with this electronic hustler, and I'll show you a kindergartner I'm taking to Vegas with me next weekend.

I hope you enjoy the game... I sat there for about 30 minutes cursing at the computer every time I chose the wrong box... and loving every minute of it. You know what they say... "A game a day keeps the Alzheimers away!"

Keep those brains a workin'!

UPDATE: I just made it to Level 5, but I completely guessed on Level 4 and the gods smiled down upon me. I don't know who reads this, but if you're out there, I want to know how far you can get in this confounded game. WHAT'S WRONG WITH ME?!?

Face Painting Anteaters...

Somehow we discovered that using dry-erase markers as face paint is a GREAT idea. It goes on smooth and, remarkably, comes off just as easy. Now, before you go marking your face all up, make sure you do a test with YOUR markers somewhere it's not likely to be noticed (I'll leave it to you to pick the spot). But OUR markers ROCK! They go right on, and come right off. Here's a couple of the faces the kids have done over the last little while:

Cutie Pie!

Tiger Boy!

Uhhh... Superpurpulicious Sweetie? 

As you can see, we've been having lots of fun. The first time I saw them do it, I about lost it... seriously, guys - MARKER ON YOUR FACE!?!? Then they showed me how easy it came off and I was like, "Dang, Gina! How come my parents never let me draw on MY face with a dry-erase marker?"

We've also been having fun with our new chore charts. A.J.'s chore was to clean the floor. I'm not sure this is what Katie had in mind when she assigned it to him:

Like I say in the video, as far as I'm concerned, that counts for sweeping AND mopping. Good job, little man! Bathrooms are next (I kid!).

Have a good one and remember, be GOOD, have FUN, and always be LEARNING!

Happy Birthday!

I came home to lunch today to a surprise party the kids threw for me:

In case you don't read "Evelyn-ese", that translates to "Happy Birthday to Daddy". 

A.J. refused to have his picture taken. A chip off the old block, that one is.

Speaking of happy events, we blessed Sylvia this weekend. Here's the family:

And here's Evelyn holding Sylvia after church:

She's a good big sister, eh?

Have a good one, and always remember: Be GOOD, Have FUN, and always be LEARNING!

All I Want for Christmas...

In the morning...

Later that night!

... One came out at the pool while she was blowing water through a noodle (not into the pool, thankfully!), and one came out while I was getting dinner at Noodles & Company. What is it about noodles that makes this girls teeth fall out? She better be careful or she's going to need to get some dentures before she's 7...

p.s. - this happened awhile back, but I didn't get around to posting it yet.

The Sound of Silence...

... is a parents best friend:

Happy Wednesday!

Why Eli Hates His Life...

So Saturday morning was a good morning. For a few short hours we were all miraculously good-natured, kind, thoughtful, helpful, and all-around pleasant people *at the very same time*. It was so good that I actually smiled to myself when the thought "families can be together forever" flitted across my consciousness (I'm glad that thought doesn't impress itself upon me at other, less opportune moments). Towards the end of our field trip to Smoothly Functioning Family Land, the kids struck up an impromptu game of "Ring Around the Rosie". Seeing an opportunity to get documentary proof that our children CAN play together without doing grievous bodily harm to one another, I grabbed the trusty old iPhone and fired her up. This is what I got:

So, nothing tragic, right? The kids jump on Eli, give him a little earthquake action, and then hop off. Didn't think anything of it. No harm, no foul as we say in daddy land. Then I watched the video again, and it hit me: EVERY TIME the kids play, Eli gets "doggy piled" on. Sometimes literally, and sometimes in subtle "I'm pretty sure this won't leave a mark" ways. Memories of the kids playing together started flashing through my mind, with Eli as the focus: he tries to climb up the slide, but A.J. pushes him out of the way and goes down first. Eli, being a determined young man, begins his quest anew, but A.J.'s bigger, stronger, and faster, and heads him off at the pass, cuts in front of him and knocks him aside again.

Giving up on that dream, Eli sets his sights on a toy across the room. He heads that direction but Evelyn, using that incredible sixth sense that all children possess, intuits that someone is about to gain possession of something within 17.5 feet of her corporeal being, and although she had no awareness that the object existed seconds ago, it now becomes THE MOST IMPORTANT THING IN THE WORLD. She jumps off the couch and snatches it off the ground just as Eli's pudgy little fingers are wrapping around the object of his desire. Eli screams (as he well ought to do), but she just knocks him to the ground, steps over his sprawled out body, and skips away singing Princess and the Rockstar songs at the top of her lungs.

We go outside to "get some energy out", and the whole time everyone is just running circles around the poor fellow, not exactly ignoring him, but definitely not making an effort to include him in the festivities, either. And I feel fairly confident in saying that if mommy and daddy hadn't been there during the traumatic end of the "Ring Around the Rosie" incident, those tremors might have been a catastrophic 10.0 on the Richter scale instead of the "china is tinkling in the hutch" experience we all witnessed. Dude must feel like he's on an episode of "American Gladiator meets Mean Girls" or something... YEESH. Being a third child stinks!

So, on behalf of all oldest children in the universe I want to say to all of you 2nd, (and 3rd, and 4th, and 5th, and Nth) children out there: I'M SORRY. I hope you grow up to be bigger and stronger and more beautiful and handsome and richer and more famous than your stinky older siblings. It would only be fair. Just don't tell *my* younger siblings I said that. That would be showing weakness, and all oldest children know that once you show weakness (and I mean ANY weakness), the rest of the clan will find some excuse to shove you onto a raft in the middle of the Arctic Ocean and not even wait until you're out of sight before they sell all your possessions (including the lucky socks you were wearing the night you met your 3rd wife) and use the profits for a year long "sabbatical" in the Caymans.

And a Slurpee on the way home.

Wait. You know what? Never mind, younger siblings. Apology retracted. As far as I'm concerned, you get everything you deserve. YOU'RE TERRIBLE, HEARTLESS LIFE FORMS THAT DON'T CARE ABOUT ANYONE BUT YOURSELVES! I MEAN, REALLY - YOU ALWAYS GOT TO DO MORE THAN I DID WHEN I WAS YOUR AGE! MOM AND DAD DIDN'T BUY ME A CAR FOR MY 16TH BIRTHDAY!! YOU'RE SPOILED ROTTEN STINKERS! TWITCHY LITTLE BRATS! TREACHEROUS WEASELS! HOW DARE YOU SELL MY LUCKY SOCKS!!


[deep breath]

Life is confusing, isn't it? It seems like no matter where you land, you've got a target on your back. Or at least you feel like you do. So don't worry, Eli - you're not the only one who feels picked on. Plus, you've got a baby sister now, and we all know what it's like to be a 4th child....


Postscript - you may be wondering about the "Mean Girls" reference. First, I want to make it clear that in no way am I implicitly or explicitly saying that Evelyn is a mean girl. That would be slanderous, and although she's young (and adorable), Evelyn has a remarkable grasp of American jurisprudence, a gift that I must say makes it insanely difficult to be a normal daddy.*

I would have said "Mean People" or "Mean Boys" or "Poorly Socialized Individuals with a Defective Nice Gene", but I don't think there's such a tv show... or movie, or whatever "Mean Girls" is, which brings me to my second point. I have no idea what "Mean Girls" is - but I recently read an article about Paul Krugman where the author compared him to the star of "Mean Girls", which I thought was really funny (and you would too, if you ever read or listen to Paul Krugman). I mean, Paul Krugman positively *screams* "mean girl" (oh wait, am I being the mean girl now? Crickey.). Anyhow, please don't judge me based on how you feel about "Mean Girls" - I'm undeserving of either your wrath or your admiration. Judge me based on the fact that I actually read and listen to (and even try to understand) people like Paul Krugman - but before you get to far down that road, know that I loathe the man. Really. Truly. Loathe. (When I found out he had won a Nobel Prize, I scratched it off my Bucket List. Who wants to be associated with that kind of company? They just pass these things out like candy at a parade these days anyway....)

Anyhow, to sum up: Evelyn is NOT a mean person. Paul Krugman probably isn't either. And "Poorly Socialized Individuals with a Defective Nice Gene" isn't likely to be playing at a theater near you anytime soon, because while being politically correct makes some people feel all warm and fuzzy inside, it just doesn't have that certain "je ne sais quoi" that makes a person want to open their wallet and waste 2 1/2 hours of their all-too-short lives. And that's an inconvenient truth.


*For example, here was our bedtime a couple of weeks ago (based on a true story. Or not. I have a hard time telling anymore.):

ME: Okay guys, time to clean up. Put the pillows back on the couch and take your blankets upstairs and put them back on your bed.

EVELYN: Those "quote unquote" pillows and blankets are my client's fort. As the inspection documents show, construction was completed well over 45 minutes ago which means that it in the beautiful state of Colorado this fort is now by law a permanent dwelling. (Turning to A.J.) You have no legal obligation to follow this man's orders.

ME: This man?!? Hold up a second...

 EVELYN: (Ignoring my protest, stands on a chair and looks me in the eyes)  If you choose to exercise the power of eminent domain and tear this fort down, my client expects to be justly compensated. If you refuse, we'll see you in court.

A.J.: (suddenly feeling very brave): YEAH!

EVELYN (to A.J.): Please, Mr. Riggs, I've told you; anything you say can and will be used against you in a court of law.

A.J.: Huh?

Evelyn: Zip... your... lips.

ME: Okay, enough. This "fort" is coming down one way or the other, and if you take me to court, I'm not giving you a ride. If I don't give you a ride, you have to walk to the courthouse with your brother, and you'll definitely be late. If you're late, the judge gets mad at you and dismisses your case. Then you have to walk all the way back home, and you know A.J. will get tired and want you to carry him. You're not big enough to carry him which means you'll have to stop and rest. It will probably get dark, and who knows what will happen then...

KATIE: Justin!

Evelyn (who seemed ready to cave just milliseconds ago, suddenly regains her confidence): Mommy will give us a ride, won't you mommy?

(Everyone turns to mommy)

KATIE (slyly): Of course I will, sweetie....

ME: WHAT?!?

A.J.: COOL!!!

EVELYN: (throwing her arms around Katie's neck): You're the best mommy EVER!

KATIE (putting Evelyn back on the floor): I think you've got a great case, and you can do anything you put your mind to...

(Evelyn and A.J. are going crazy, dancing around and saying things like, "Oh, yeah, we're the best, Oh yeah, Oh yeah". I'm launching into a full scale lecture about how this is neither the time nor the place for an exercise in developing our daughter's positive self-image...)

KATIE: Buuuuuut......

(everything stops)

..... nobody's suing anybody.

ME (fist pumping, and desperately fighting the urge to stick my tongue out at my 6 year old): Yeah baby! Take THAT!

EVELYN (knocked off balance by this dramatic turn of events): Why not?

KATIE (turning to A.J.): Do you still want those cookies I promised you, sweetie?

A.J.: YEAH!

KATIE: Well, to make them I need to get upstairs, and your fort is right in my way.

A.J. (running to the fort): I'll take it down!

EVELYN: NO!!!!!

A.J.: I WANT COOKIES!!

EVELYN: We could buy every Girl Scout cookie on the planet if we win this case!

A.J.: I WANT COOKIES NOOOOOOWWWWW!

EVELYN (doing everything she can to keep A.J. away from the fort): FOOL! STOP! WE'LL BE MILLIONAIRES!!! BILLIONAIRES!!! QUADRILLIONAIRES!!!!!

A.J.: COOOKIIIEEEEEEES!!!

(Evelyn falls to the floor as A.J. breaks free from her grasp. She sighs, get up, and grabs Katie's hand)

EVELYN: Can I have some too?

ME: NO!
KATIE (at exactly the same time): Sure, sweetie.

I look at Evelyn. Evelyn looks at Katie. Katie does this thing where she uses body language to send a message that is somehow undetected by the children and yet unmistakably clear to me.

ME (with my tail between my legs, yet still trying to salvage some pride): just one.

EVELYN: (runs over and gives me a big old hug): Thanks daddy!

ME (melting): okay, two.... if you bring me one when they're done. Deal?

EVELYN: I'd love to daddy, but that would violate Section II of Article IV of the Colorado Revised Statutes. Paragraph 2.7 of said statute clearly states that no child under the age of 7 shall.....

And so it goes...

Our most obedient child...

Papa Bear here. So it seems the only time we post anything anymore is when we have a baby. I'm going to try to do better... we have tons of fun videos, great pictures, and attention-riveting stories to share. We're also looking at homeschooling this year, and I'd like to keep a record of how that goes, just for the heck of it.

I thought I'd kick things off with a short video of Sylvia. I wanted to take the video because I've heard people say that babies don't smile. Oh, really? Watch this video and then tell me that babies don't smile!

I was obviously thrilled that she did her trick on demand... maybe she's got a future in the entertainment industry (it's my only hope for retirement!).

Postscript: So it looks like a few things aren't working (like the video) when I use Internet Explorer 10. What can I say, it's a Microsoft product. I looked at the blog on Chrome, and it worked there. So if you're using IE10, get a better browser. :) I'll look into it and see if I can get things running on IE.